Hate and Love

"I hope one day you'll see nobody has it easy...I still can't believe you found somebody knew, but I wish you the best...I guess. Everybody knows that nobody really knows how to make it work or how to ease the hurt. We've heard it all before, everybody knows how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try"

I'm in between. There's the hate.

 I hate that you've casted reason to time. I hate that you left me on my knees, without a hello or goodbye.   I couldn't even hate your hesitancy, and your  "yes" to when I asked if you'd let go of me if you were me, I hate that afterwards I thought to myself, "What if I ask tomorrow? Still yes?"  I hate that a part of me wanted to continue to live the lie, continue to live the lie even if by myself. I hate that I knew it was coming. I hate that I dragged the days along, without speaking to you, hoping that one morning you'd text me, "babe." I hate that if asked if I want a friendship, I would say yes, not because it's what would build a strong relationship, but yes because I'd still have you in my life. I hate that I'm selfish like that. I hate that you didn't love me naturally.  I hate that you let "us" be a story to never be told. I hate that a bit of me wishes you'll regret not fighting for me, fighting for us. I hate that I was ready when you weren't, I hate that I was ready the minute I sat by you on the train. I hate that when you were forsaking me, you would do so as if it was another thing to do on your priority list. I hate that you checked me off, so quickly. I hate that I can no longer love you the way I loved you before today. I hate that I've shed my skin, to only be bruise closer to my soul. I hate that you didn't want me. I hate that I have to learn to live without you. I hate that, at times, I doubt if you were lieing all along. I hate that my love never reached you, even when arms apart. I hate that I hate now, when it comes to you. I hate it because you were the closest to love I felt. 

And there's the love.

I love that although you hurt me, I still plan to return to Love. I love that I no longer need to live in a memory, live in the past by myself. I love that I've, more like you've, taken the blindfold off. I love that even though you turned around on me, I'm the one walking away. I love that, even if I curse at it, I still have hope.  I love that I was willing to sacrifice, be patient with you. I love that I met a woman I love, when I was with you: I met me. I love that I no longer will look somewhere else, or in someone else for something that I need to find in myself.  I love that I can't wait till I love again. I can't wait to feel the sun  from both sides, till someone compliments me, till I spoon again, till someone makes perfect sense to me, till someone loves me flaws and all, till someone makes my world stop spinning, till someone speaks his heart without fear, till fear doesn't torment but makes him appreciate "us" even more, hold me a little tighter, kiss a little softer.