Right?

It's because you let me be "emo." You didn't want me any other way, and for that I wanted you in more ways than one. Its because you egged it on. Its because you held the other hand of my emo-ness. That's why its harder to let go, harder than the one before, that's why I don't care to daydream of the next unless you're in his shoes. I can't blame you for anything else but this, only for this. I've been searching for a reason to blame you, to make it easier to let go. Now I do: You started it. Thing is, I took one step to only take two steps back. I am not ready to find someone like you, still waiting on the porch for the you that was when I was with you.  I think of how it would be if we would give it another go-around. I don't want the us that we thought we were, I want the us that we could have been, the us I saw us becoming when you'd lay your chin on my shoulder.  If you wouldn't have let me get away, if you would have fought for you, if I would have caught your fall when you least expected it...if you were still here, as I am. "I can't wait to figure out who I used to be, so I can say this is who I used to be" and by then, sooner than later I'm hoping, I can be the best her for the "maybe tomorrow" us. 

I don't want to be selfish, I don't want a peace offering just yet. I want to re-build our friendship, not to be more than you and I, but to learn more of you and for you to learn more of me. Not unless you are ready...and that's when your silence speaks louder than any sweet words you've once whispered. 

"I didn't want to see you again until I could get you straightened out in my mind" (Chester Himes, If He Hollers Let Him Go)  

I think we both feel this way. We aren't ready are we? We're going to get there soon though, right? I mean after all, you started it...it's only fair I keep it going, right?