I can't anymore.

I can't keep doing this to myself. Loving you after you stole our safety net that I was weaving. Loving you without your consent, without your acknowledgment of my presence, acknowledgement of our past. Or maybe you do acknowledge just don't care to relive it? Or care to love the us that could have been, could be? I can't keep sitting in the dark, crying silent tears. I can't keep asking myself "why?" every time I wake up to reach to an empty right side of the bed. Its starting to hurt more and more each day I keep loving you. And fuck, is this even love? Is it adoration? It was only three months,? Why didn't you fall? Why did you stand there and watch me fall? Why did you stand there and let me walk away? I can't. Please take this taste of you that still lingers on my lips. Can you tell me that your look doesn't reflect off my mirror. For God sakes, can I not meet another guy with your name! I only sigh and walk away.

The thing is. I don't believe you. I don't believe that you didn't care, that you still don't care. You did, you do.I don't believe this is how you want me to be, this is how you want to be. I don't believe that you don't want us to be...again. You act as if you've had enough, you don't care, but no, no because I am not ready to let go, I still want more, more of you, more of us. Still I can't. I shouldn't. But it hurts so bad that i want to keep loving you.

I can't. I can't anymore. Can't keep thinking about you randomly through out the day. How you'd pull my arm hair when I'd spoon against you? I can't wish you'd fall off your bed, or stump your toe one second then take it back, because I remember that you have a hurt ankle that you still probably haven't gone to the doctor to get checked out. How ridiculous am I? Ridiculously still following the soles of you feet, even forty six sates away, only in my flashbacks. I can't anymore, but I will.