"It sucks, huh?"

I know the truth. I play foolish intentionally. I know you've let go. I know to you this wasn't enough to hold on to, wasn't enough to make me more than one of your best kept secrets, or enough to give me any reason why you turned away. . 

 Maybe one day you'll find how it was supposed to be if it wasn't this. If it was it sucks, you were right when you said to me, "It sucks, huh?" It sucks to wake up in the middle of the night, reaching over to not only not find you, not find your white tee on the ground, to not wait till you yawn so I can put my finger close to your  mouth, to not pull on your grey sweats, to not learn more of you, learn of me with you, through you, because of you...

I just lay here, in my red hoody that you loved me in, the one that now takes me from the thoughts of you to a dream of us, only to wake up in a hot sweat. I've been meaning to give it away, throw it away, you would think it would be easy right? You threw something away , its easy right?

Instead I lay till 11am in my red hoody, putting it on when I lay, throwing it on the ground in the middle of the night, and pushing it under my bed when I wake up. Every night, every morning. It sucks, huh?