Too much, Too passionate..Yes I Am.

I still fall into the gravity of our past.  I stare at the clock, leaning against my wall, hoping its arms would turn in my favor.   

 You loved as deep, as hard as I did, yet so foolishly and uncaring threw it away at the first sight of fear or uncertainty. When I walked away you'd hold on tighter then you leave without reason, "maybe we went to fast...I don't know how I was feeling what I was feeling...you're too much, too passionate, I love it babe but..."  Its natural though, babe. You don't learn to love someone, you grow to love someone. And if teaching was the case anyways, you showed no signs of deficiency in those three months, I would have patiently taught you how to love. Instead you selfishly left with Reason, and left me with Doubt.

My heart has grown weary of trying to find reason in between your whispers that still resonate. I fell apart when you left me on my knees.  Left me to tell of the greatest story never told, tell it how it could have been. I've been trying to put our puzzle together even though you hold on to the missing piece with tight grasp.

I've blamed myself... for falling in love with you; for not being more guarded with you, instead I was an open book; for finding refuge in your arms; for not loving you in slow motion; for not having fear of giving in or giving all; for fighting you to fight for me; for being more myself than by myself; for feigning for you to be the one to look after me; for being "too much, too passionate"; for you being the final push for me to leave then to stay; for being ready to say "I Love You"  for the first time. 

I stopped wondering why I fell, and wondered why you didn't.

Then I realized. I am all of this, I am too much, too passionate. If they are qualified as flaws, then flaws are the best part. I love hard, I love to the fullest. I love openly and outspokenly. I love with visible scars. I do this all, every time. And yes, it is too much, if your heart is uncertain of what Love really is, mine even though with bruises is willing and ready to experience each degree.  Maybe you weren't open? Or ready? Or worthy? Or strong enough? Whatever it may be, I need to let go of someone that has been gone for months now. 

I do miss you though; us; your touches, your sighs; your kisses; your whispers; your humility; your patience; your simplicity; your calmness; even your flaws. One thing is for sure, what I will always miss is how extroardinary we could have been together.