A lighter step

Saturday, March 29, 2008 9:11 AM
A lighter step

He's right, I'm too much, "emotional and passionate." He doesn't want "to rush into it." I'll take a step back, I'll try, but I can't promise I'll triumph. You shouldn't hold back, keep such affection hidden at the bottom, the past times have scarred me. You live once, the truth is apparent in glow. Ill try though in order to not lose him, but he may end up losing a bit of me.

Maybe I shouldn't speak of him to Osvaldo? Maybe I should go one day without calling him babe? I've never called anyone babe. Maybe I should delete his saved text messages, since Jan 27th? Maybe I shouldn't rub his neck and kiss his cheek, as I awake wide awake at 7:45am, anxious for his kiss? Maybe I shouldn't order the blueberry pancakes knowing I can't eat them all but knowing he ends up eating some of the dripping blueberries?
Maybe I could downplay the the anticipation for him to walk through the door? How his presence soothes me?

I shouldn't tell him that I like him more each day. Or that I can't sleep if we don't say good night. Or that all I want is to wake up in his arms. Or that I want to run downstairs to get groceries, make dinner for him while he takes his 3rd shower of the day.

I've fallen into his arms of comfort and trust…which I don't trust myself to...he has front seat to me at my most vulnerable and he comfortably nests in between my lines of refuge. He's soft to the touch Is he really listening to me? I'm a lost soul complicating my simple consecutive moments as I step into each. He's standing still. He tells me to get closer, yet he doesn't whisper a word to me, and when I turn around from him I feel more lost without him.

He has doubts, as do I, yet my hope silences even the ones to come

I don't want to lose him, don't want disrupt the growth of us. Maybe I should take a step backwards? A lighter step?